It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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