was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
