I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
