I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
