the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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