I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize