I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
