haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
