Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
