I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
