Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
