M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
