I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize