So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
