phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize