your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
