My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
