Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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