i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
