Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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