I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
