the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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