next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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