Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
