i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize