We're facebook friends in real life
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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