Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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