oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
