It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
