he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
