Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
