I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
