you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
