i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I checked into jail on foursquare
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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