so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
