I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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