6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
