haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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