the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize