It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
