either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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