i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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