If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They took my balls.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
