I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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