this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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