she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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