she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
