Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
