Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
