dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
