If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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