conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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