what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
