After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
