you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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