So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
