Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
