her vagine was all disorganized.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
