What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize