sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
