I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
