You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
