your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
