i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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