I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Floor bacon is actually really good
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