So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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