How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I wish you could order shots online.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
