so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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