i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
