the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
