If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You pole danced in your parka.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
