Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize