There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
