I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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