WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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