I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
